i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Drake has all the answers
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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