Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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