is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I want a musical about memes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
