I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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