When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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