I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
