Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
