i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
