im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
