i would punch a child for taco bell
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize