he told me I talked like a deaf person
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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