I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize