You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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