my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
