The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize