Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
