dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
