drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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