I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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