I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
