Im at strip club and am horny
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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