Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
