You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
