Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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