Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
