nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
