I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
