I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
