Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
