Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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