Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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