She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
