Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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