he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
