I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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