am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
