So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
