I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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