Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
