some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
