Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
