By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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