If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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