Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Can't talk, ducks in the car
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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