I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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