He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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