A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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