i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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