i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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