Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
