Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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