Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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