I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
