I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
