Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
