Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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