He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
