I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
