My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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