oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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