I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
