Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
