the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
