dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
