Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
