she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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