ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
