They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
