i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize