U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
