i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
