friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
