I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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