he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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