I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
