he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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