this just has baby written all over it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
