i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize