fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
